the Suitcase

spring tour

2009-04-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

los angeles trip pictures

2008-11-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

santa fe, new mexico -- danielle's mother olga

griffith park, shoot for whitecanvas.

voices voices

vice presidential debates. sarah palin said 'tap it' a lot.

silverlake

spaceland

indie 103 FM

day 8: drive to siloam springs, ar

2008-11-02T18:22:00.001-08:00

i woke up early that morning and got all my things ready. i was determined to leave on time. i moved through the house in the dark groping for most of my things and only turning on the lights in my room when i needed to. finally i was ready to leave. then i remembered that i had left my overhead projector in a room where codhi was sleeping. i considered leaving it and hoping to get it back sometime but i practiced being assertive and doing what i had to do. i went in apologizing and he was very nice about it. i saw what i needed and i grabbed it. when i left i felt very strong and i was laughing at myself and at my strength. i was very proud. i got in my car and started to drive. i think one of the most comforting things for me is getting into a car early in the morning and driving. doing this in the desert is especially wonderful. i thought about many many things. i felt overlapping increments of peace, inspiration, and joy. also small percentages of restlessness and anxiety. i will post pictures now.

Day 7: train to santa fe/santa fe

2008-10-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

i woke up in the morning feeling less lonely but also very cold. they turn the air up in these trains and it was miserable. in the middle of the night i had to put on another shirt and a sweater because i didn't have blanket or anything. i woke up and looked out the window. behind me and grandmother was trying to teach her daughter manners in spanish. she kept telling her to say 'excuse me'. then the baby started crying and the grandmother said, 'you don't love me anymore? huh? you don't love me? i'm your grandmother. you don't love me?' i don't know what the baby did. it was about 10:00 and we would roll into santa fe around 2. a few hours later i got seatmate. i wasn't in the mood for a seatmate so i went to the lounge car and stayed there for the rest of the trip. in the lounge car there were sassy little kids who were loud and kept bothering me. and yelling. i didn't talk to anyone. i started writing a letter to a friend i was at odds with. my stop finally came and i was happy to get off. i got in my car and drove to santa fe. at a stop sign i finally, for the first time in 4 days, got to hear nothing. silence. the desert was open and beautiful. the sky was huge. i stayed at that stop sign just a little bit longer. it felt so so so good. i found danielle's house and let myself in. i took a shower and when i came out one of her roommates was there. i had met him last year. we talked for some time but mostly just hung out. then i remembered i hadn't registered to vote. it was a big to do. i printed out the forms. filled them out. and ran to a post office. got it postmarked by the right date. i was so excited. now i go around asking people if they are registered. before i didn't even think about it. then we went to dinner at this small thai cafe. when you walk in you are hit with this wall of beautiful smells. we had good food. and then left. went home and i decided to go to sleep. however i kept findings things to do online. then the gay aerliast guy came home and i talked to him for a while. very interesting. then i went to sleep in a stranger's bedroom.

day 6: fourth day in los angeles

2008-10-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning. it was very relaxed morning. everyone seemed to wake up at the same time. we all talked and then i said goodbye to everyone because i would be leaving that afternoon. i was sad to say goodbye to the dog because she was beautiful and always wanted to fight me, which i gladly accepted. everyone left and the cleaning lady came and we tried to get out of her way. that day we would be shooting some things for dublab. one guy from dublab came and picked us up and took us the natural history museum. we would be shooting in the diamond and gem vault. it took some time to set up and i tried to be professional but got bored quickly. i also had a very anti-shoe urge then so i walked around the museum shoeless looking at all these amazing diagrams. during a break two girls came up to me and asked if i wanted to be in a photoshoot. apparently the museum does these concerts in one particular hall and they need to take pictures for some promotional brochure or something. i agreed and we went into this hall with a giant serengeti diagram. absolutely spectacular. there was a DJ who looked bored. i think he was embarrassed that they had to bring people into listen to him and then make them dance for the picture. i made good conversation with these girls. i was very proud. i wasn't sure if i would be needed so i went back to our shoot and decided to stay because i didn't feel like dancing for a bored DJ. i walked past later and saw like 5 kids dancing goofy-like and was very glad that i didn't stay. we did a few more shooting and i was very tired and stressed just from being in giant city with cars and smog and palm trees, that was bizarre: palm trees in a metropolis. weird. i was way tired and i think maybe i was feeling sad for having to be alone on a train for a long time. we finished the shoot and then the guy who gave us a ride, took us to the train station. i said goodbye to danielle. i went inside and sat for an hour or so listening to music on my computer. finally it was my turn to board and i went on the train and felt sadder and sadder. it was the first time i was alone, alone for a long time. i sat in my chair and then went to go write in the lounge car. i don't remember anything else but just being super lonely and tired and exhausted and sleepy. i went back to my seat and fell asleep but woke up during the night because the seats were uncomfortable.

day 5: third day in los angeles

2008-10-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

i woke up and it was saturday. i had been wearing the same clothes for some time. the sleeves of my cardigan were dimming at the edges. we had scrambled tofu for breakfast. i began to feel very 'adventist' again. we went to my friend's church. it was in loma linda. this is an adventist town. almost everyone who lives there is adventist. i grew up seventh-day adventist. i went to seventh-day adventist private schools my entire life. i just graduated college from one. i saw people from high school there. i saw people from college. i saw people from everywhere. i felt very afraid. i went inside a dark room. there was a 'praise band' playing music. it was indignantly 'progressive' but in reality, 'utterly innocuous'. my eyes got used to the dark and the band 'leader' was an asshole i knew from high school. i walked out immediately. i met a high school friend. we went to starbucks. we talked for a very long time. i went back to maranatha's. had potluck. watched an eroll morriss documentary about a plane crash. a few hours we left for LA again. we left a little later than i would've liked. i didn't want to be late to sound check. i felt very nervous. then we hit traffic. i could not do any of the things i usually do to help me deal with stress. i was in car. sitting. and with some strangers. i began to twitch. it was the first time it happened. i was going to be late. and every time i thought about that jerked or rolled my shoulders or something. we finally got the venue and i was exhausted. we tested our levels. outside some people from a web site were talking to us. they bought us beer at a 7-11 and i drank it behind a dumpster. i had left my wallet in someone's car. i couldn't get into the club. i had to wait oustide. the venue was 21+. the wallet came and i went in. i had a few more beers. i was nervous. all the bands played and then we played. i thought it was okay. i felt a little too nervous. maybe it sounded better than i thought. afterward we went back to the house and watched alejandro jorodowsky films. i was half asleep. i saw a caveman walked through a tunnel of life. i opened my eyes and it was the middle of the night. i had fallen asleep on the couch.

day 4: second day in los angeles

2008-10-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

we woke up this morning and went down to that same cafe to eat. we would be doing some shooting for a website called white canvas, who i don't think are up and running yet. they picked us up and took us to griffith where we hiked up into the hills and played around. when i say 'they' i mean 'three people'. they were very nice but maybe a little too nice. they kept trying to be helpful and kept asking things and seeing if we were okay. i felt like a celebrity, it was uncomfortable. the hills were somewhat burned up because of some fire a number of months ago. we climbed up a hill and played music in a tree. then we did a faery reading for each other under these gnarled tree branches. after this it was nearly 1 pm and we had another compromise. so we finished and they took us back to silver lake. i fell asleep and when i woke up we were lost. finally we got to the house and paul, the manager of danielle's label, was waiting at the house. paul was super nice and very funny. he is a stylist by day and runs the label on the side. it is called manimal vinyl. he took us to a radio station. we would be playing some music on indie 103 and voices voices would be joining us. we showed up and moved all our gear in. it took us a little bit to set up. we played and it was good and fine. after this we all went to a english pub called cat and fiddle. by this time, my friend maranatha was supposed to come pick me up. she got lost for a little bit. she finally got there and i was very happy to see her. she taught english in prague with me. we left for her house in riverside and then i decided i hated los angeles. it took us an hour and a half to get there. traffic was terrible. even at night. having a car is the worst. we got to riverside and had dinner with some of her friends. there i met an aaron roche who turned out to be a very good musician. i listened to some of his music later and really liked it. we left and that night i fell asleep on the floor of maranatha's bedroom.

day 3: first day in los angeles

2008-10-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

the night was terrible. the seats were very difficult to sleep in and they make it very cold so you have to wear sleep under some kind of blanket. i woke up many times in the night. i finally decided to stay awake around 4:30. i fell asleep around 8 and then the gay porter woke me up gruffly telling me we were close to LA. i watched all the factories come up. it was depressing. all the cars and the smog and the aluminum buildings. we didn't say anything until we got off the train pulling all the bags and carrying an impossible load of things. we finally picked up my guitar and took a cab to danielle's friend's house. the house was very 'posh' with little 'modernist' details here and there. it was very pretty. i took a shower. i sat outside for an hour in the sun near the trees trying to feel good about nature and 'the progress of man'. there was a constant hum of traffic. somewhere past the trees there was a school having relay races. i knew they were relay races because a teacher-sounding person kept yelling 'on your mark, get set, go' and then children would scream. we walked down to a cafe and had breakfast. the coffee shop was full. i wondered if people actually work in los angeles. then we played 'who would you fuck?' danielle and i both picked this girl who was sitting by me. then danielle's friend justin came and we went to eat lunch at the los angeles police academy which apparently has a cafeteria open to the public with really good food. we ate there and then we went to watch people shoot guns in the shooting ranges. justin kept saying very funny things and i kept laughing quietly to myself. he turned out to be a very funny person. after the cafe justin took us back to the house. we watched muriel's wedding. this movie made me cry. i felt so terrible. i felt very sad for myself. i felt sad for everyone. the movie 'blended comedy and humor' very well. we drew and burned more CDs. we basically did this for a long time. then we went to have beer and pizza at someone's house and watched the vice presidential debates. sarah palin was on a roll. she kept saying 'tap into' and one drunk guy would yell 'tap that!' loudly and i don't know why, but it was funny every time. then we left and got picked up to go practice with the girls from voices voices. they came to pick us up from north hollywood or something. we were exhausted. we rehearsed and it was fun. i was too tired to know if it was good or not. danielle and i went to get starbucks. a girl there gave me a funny look. i gave her the funny look back. we went home and turned in.

townes van zandt - 'waitin around to die'

2008-10-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

day 3: train to los angeles

2008-10-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

woke up kind of late. rushed around and got the car packed. we had to get on the train at 2. i packed us a lunch of salad leaves, fresh tomatoes, sharp cheddar, lasagna, granola, and rye bread with olive oil and italian dressing. we got to the train and found out we couldn't take so much stuff. we left some things in my car in the parking lot. it had been a stressful morning so we finished off half a bottle of the rum danielle had gotten the other night to make mojitos. drunk in the parking lot. under 10 minutes. we stumbled to the platform and giggled a lot. the train came and it was a challenge to put the bags into their right places. when we did we whispered loudly and kept laughing. by then i was tuckered out. i fell asleep. woke up and we had the lunch i packed. then we talked for a long while and then decided to go to the lounge car. we stayed in the lounge car for some time. we made some phone calls and afterward ran into each other again in the lounge car. danielle gave me a faery reading. the sun was setting and the rocks were red. i drew 'the soul shrinker' and then 'a collective of pixies'. i made myself a coke and rum, minus the coke and plus root beer. i became quite drunk and we laughed 'into the night'. the loungue car felt like an evolved form of a hobo boxcar: there were men playing blues, playing cards, and me drunk. after that we slept.

day 2: pecos, new mexico

2008-10-06T15:52:00.001-07:00

Monday:

woke up and danielle made me chai. i liked this particular morning best. we were very quiet for the morning. we rode into santa fe. danielle would be moving and need boxes. we went to eat at a place called tune-up cafe. we ran into a friend. i had met her last year when i passed through town on tour. we decided we would all have dinner with her and some people on wednesday. danielle and i would play music. we ate outside. we talked about david bowie. we talked about adrogynous people and how attractive they are. we left and found boxes behind some stores in dumpsters. we went to a health food place where i read gossip magazines and danielle did things. we went to office max and i bought CDs to burn and sell. we came home and danielle started packing things. i listened to brian eno and drew the cover art for my new EP. i will post a picture of it later. danielle gave me a copy of 'leaves of grass' and some chapbooks she'd gotten in new york. we went to meet her mom in santa fe at a delicious nepali food restaurant. danielle's mom is riot. olga is a baker. she is building her own house, literally, brick by brick. she says bricks are hard to make. her hands are like sandpaper. we went home. i played some songs on my guitar for olga. after i finished each one, she explained to me exactly why she liked them with specific details. after olga, went to bed we kept watching the man who fell too earth. i like david bowie but i was really tired. i went to sleep again on the floor.

day 1: drive to santa fe

2008-10-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

sorry it's taken me so long to update. i really thought i would be able to update daily but i really had very little time to do much of my own thing. i also couldn't find a sony camera/usb cord to upload pictures. i will do so once i get back.

Sunday:

left around 8 AM and had breakfast at a waffle house near catoosa, ok. the large waitress kept calling me 'baby' and rubbing my shoulders. i felt oddly comfortable. we played a game called 'who would you fuck?'. danielle chose 'black cook'. i chose 'big mama'. we left and drove for a long time. while i was sleeping the sun-eye-shielder broke. that was bad news when we got into new mexico. the sun is very difficult to avoid. we kept driving. we stopped in amarillo, tx and bought vegetables to make a salad in the car. i don't remember. we ate it. we told many secrets and revealed ideas. i don't know. we got to danielle's one room-house in pecos, new mexico. in the sky the stars were incredible. i'd never seen so many clumped together. then we watched half of the man who fell to earth. that night i slept on a comfy mattress on the floor.

Los Angeles: Day 1

2008-09-28T04:29:00.000-07:00

it is almost 7 AM and in a few short hours i will be leaving for los angeles by way of santa fe. i have decided to document the trip on this blog which i have not done in some time.

i am driving to los angeles to play music with my friend danielle in support of her new record. i first met her last summer when i passed through santa fe on my potluck tour of homes. we became friends very quickly and a few weeks ago she asked me to play with her. last week my roommate and i picked her up from norman, oklahoma where she caught a ride with a friend. danielle and i have been practicing steadily every morning last week in the garage/apartment that i used to live in on my parent's property. we would usually arrive and eat a nice meal that my dad had prepared for us. usually there was fruit involved.

now we are making our way to los angeles and will be stopping santa fe first. i will have pictures up later. i have to leave now. please check back here.

Completion pt. 2

2008-06-10T09:17:00.001-07:00

As overdue as this post may be, this blog has been neglected long enough. Now, to finish the story...

After San Francisco everyone flew/drove home and Dylan, Emily, and I went down the west coast so I could drop them off at Ontario airport to fly home. I would then drive home from there in one straight shot. We came down the coast on historic highway 1. One thing I remember about the summer was that I was constantly being flattened on my face with how beautiful things were and how desensitized I maybe felt. Hwy 1 did everything to cure that. The best of the sky and the ocean and land come together. We stopped somewhere and found a plastic football on the ground and threw it around and played guitar. There was a small wall and it felt like something on a Greek island; the ocean and rocks were foaming and cars were zipping by. And we threw rocks into the ocean and climbed down the ravine on a steep trail that led out the a bluff where we didn't say anything. I imagined jumping off. I also cut my fut on the way down there and so I limped for an entire day after that. We kept listening to Arcade Fire's Funeral and it seemed like "Crown of Love" was written by a former self for being unworthy of seeing so much beauty and being lucky enough to be alive. We stopped as the sun set and watched it sink into the water and screamed our heads off just to make noise at it and let it know that we were able to be strong just like it and maybe we couldn't sink like that but we could scream.

We drove all night and passed through San Luis Obispo and Santa Cruz. We saw the Hollywood letters on the mountain at 7:30 in the morning. We got to Loma Linda where Emily had friends. We found out that we were filthy and needed a shower. Emily's friend let us use her shower and it reminded me of the time Emily and I snuck into a Holiday Inn in Seaside, OR to "bathe" in the pool. In the shower the water got into my cut foot and that hurt very very much. I got out and it was time to say goodbye; Dylan had to get to the airport and Emily would get a ride later. This was the last picture we took together. (You can see my feet are positioned funny because the pavement was really really hot.)

After leaving Dylan, I went to stay at a friend's house in Riverside. We went to high school together and it was good to see each other. However he wasn't there when I arrived. His girlfriend's sister let me in and I was sticky and smelly and limping and I asked if I could use her bathroom. I'm sure I looked homeless. That night they came home and it was lovely to see him and his girlfriend. Later my good friend Alex Adams came up from San Diego and took me out to eat with his girlfriend and her parents. Her dad laughed when I told him I was an English major. "What are you going to do with that?"

That night I watched "Shawn of the Dead" with Matthew and he explained all the jokes to me. I went to sleep and woke up early in the morning and left. I got my oil changed and then I was off. Now, driving from Riverside, CA to Siloam Springs, AR is not enjoyable. I had a little money left over from tips and food money that I barely made it. Nothing too interesting happened until Albuquerque where I slept in another parking lot. I only napped for a few hours but I set off again. I knew my money was running out and I needed to get home in time to pack for school.

Later I stopped to get my last little sip of gas before I made it home. After pumping I began to look for my wallet. This set off a chain of events. Something didn't feel right. I pulled over and kept looking for it. Nothing. I had seen it last when pumping gas. I drove back to the gas station and there was nothing near the pump. Maybe I forgot it on my car. So I decided to retrace my steps. I pulled out of the gas station and as I was waiting on a red light at an intersection I spotted a little black thing in the road. Almost as soon as I spotted it a black SUV stopped in front of it and a teenager got out and picked it up. Just as the teenager was getting out the SUV was rear-ended by a white subcompact which was then also rear-ended by another car driven by a jittery young girl. I couldn't believe anything I had seen. I had to keep going because they were blocking traffic and by the time I turned around and got there the police had arrived. People were crying and the police were taking information. I asked someone if they had seen what the black thing was. It was a wallet. An elderly man from the middle car took me by the arm and brought me to a police officer who said I should stay there in case of a discrepancy. In the end I got my wallet back and the woman who was driving the first car handed it to me with a little bit of sarcasm. The police didn't need anything from me so I left.

When I was within 200 miles from my house I got a speeding ticket. I was so eager to go home that I broke the law. Sorry officer. $200.

Then I got home. My mother was proved wrong. I actually made it. There were many great and simple things about that summer but nothing was simpler than coming home. I drove in and walked up to my house and said hello to my father who was typing in his office. I kept thinking about the monomyth and how one of phase of that myth is the hero's return home and the improvement of his/her community because of the adventure. I can't exactly what it was that I learned concretely except for one thing: people are inherently good. Invest in the goodness of the universe and the universe will invest its goodness into you.

Wedding/San Francisco

2007-10-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'm almost too embarassed to post on here again...but I will try.

It's been 2 months since I last posted and I can't say that I have a particular reason to blame. I could blame school, anxiety, bills, and people, but the truth is that I don't know exactly what to write for my last post. Plus there will probably be so much that I can't remember. I am for justice to stories. It's the least they deserve.

Before leaving Eugene for Redding, I managed to lift some new music from Ben & Virginia's computer. I came across some amazing music. Even though I'm a little tired of so many "panda" names out there, Death by Panda is something else. Also, Emily tried to sleep but I just couldn't keep from laughing my ass off listening to David Cross. I am 100% sure that I was annoying but I really couldn't keep help it. A few hours later we ate at this hole in the wall diner off the highway. Now, with highway diners you hope for the quaint, tucked away jewels but sometimes you get the crackerjack rings with plastic bands. In any case, we in the latter. We came up on Redding and passed by Shasta Mountain which reminded us of our passing through Snoqualmie Pass in Washington. How our trip had evolved! We got to Redding and met up with loads of friends. I hadn't seen Rheu since Prague and I got to spend a lot of time with that guy. Plus, he bought me dinner that night. What a quality guy. I didn't really see Emily that much because she was a bridesmaid and had to do those kinds of things.

Our group of friends after the wedding. The verb was "fly" so that's what's happening in this picture.

Dudes.

I don't know if I ever mentioned but I met Devanne (in white) in Prague a few years ago while I was teaching English there for a year. She is a quality person and I was happy for her happiness. Speaking of quality people so were all the other teachers who made it out to the wedding. The wedding was held on a old tennis court with lanterns, wooden posts wrapped in (fake) wild flowers and the like. The sun was setting behind a dusty field and the crickets sang the entire time. After the reception the newlyweds ran through the rice guantlet and took off down the hill. We wanted to beath the rush so we all booked it down the hill in pitch blackness to the parking lot. We laughed like idiots, not knowing what was ahead of behind, jumping up, and tempting fate to split our skulls and crack our bones. The ensuing night included In-N-Out Burgers, silly parking lot games, and some bridge made of glass. I remember at one point tricking a parking lot of people into believing that I was going to jump over a car. I started running in circles to gain "momentum" and was laughing the whole time, wondering how long it would take for people to realize that they were being duped. I never found out because I got dizzy before then. In any case, we had some amazing quality time with these people that I hadn't seen since Prague.

The next morning we took off for San Fransisco:

(Not Pictured: me accidently flipping off an entire family car while crossing the Bay Bridge. Also not pictured: my crimson face and complete horror.)

To be continued...

Road Trip/Completion

2007-08-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

I really meant to update before getting home but Internet access proved to be a difficulet commodity to get a hold of. The picture above is from the show in Portland. Apparently, the hosts forgot about the show (not new for me) and I ended up playing around 10 when they managed to get a few more friends to come over. The above picture is me and Emily with one of the dudes who lived at the house. This house was actually a duplex but with the walls between them torn down and every room in the entire house painted a different color. We had to leave right after the show because I was supposed to be on the radio in Eugene the next morning. I had been trying to get a show in Eugene on CouchSurfing when one guy offered me time on his radio show for the University of Oregon. It was 9 AM and we didn't want to wake up way early to drive there. Plus I have dear friends (below) who moved from Arkansas to live in Eugene about a year ago. I gave them a ring and we dropped in at around 2 AM. These two were so precious to us--they fed us, gave us a place to stay, and talked till 3 in the morning even though they had work the next day. We woke up and Ben got to morning off to show us around and take us to the radio station. We got there and I sang and talked to the radio dude.

They went off to work and me and Emily took off for Redding, CA. Since Emily was a bridesmaid we had to make it to the bridal shower. I drove. Emily slept. I giggled at David Cross. Emily couldn't sleep. We ate stale sandwiches. We got to Redding and I hung out with a friend from Prague. The next day we swam and helped set up things for the wedding. It was on a tennis court. I stapled my hand. It hurt. That night Rheu and I slept in a tent trailer. He went to bed early and I stayed up reading Siddhartha.

I'll finish this later....

Spokane/Seattle/Portland

2007-08-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'm in Portland at the university here. My host seems to be flaking out on me because she hasn't written me or called me back and the show is in a few hours. This is not unfamiliar to me since my host in Spokane pretty much did the same thing except he told me that he was going to. He couldn't be there but his roommates could and I called them but got nothing back.

Seattle on the other hand was good.
But before that...

I got to Jackson Hole, Wyoming last Friday after my host in Boulder told me he could get me a show there. Halfway there my Wyoming host calls to say that I can't play at her house anymore. I figured I was halfway there so I might as well get somewhere to sleep. I got there after many hours of up and downs and windy, windy roads and even after watching an highway turn in (literally) a DIRT ROAD... In any case, the drive was beautiful. I think Wyoming is the wildest state in America, in other words it hasn't been "conquered"? Yes?

Jackson, Wyoming is a tourist-y town with its inhabitants mostly being off-season tour guides, waiters, and just kids out of college with time to kill. I got to the house was greeted warmly by my hosts and their post-surgery recovering dog who was wrapped up in doctor scrubs. I went to sleep and woke up before everyone else the next morning and left Jackson around 6:30. The drive to Idaho Falls was stunning. I was hooting and hollering in my car the whole way. Then the drive to Butte and finally Couer d' Alene was okay. I got to Camp Mivoden and found Amy and we laughed and hugged and joked around. Then we went for a dip with Tyler and Emily and Taylor. The camp director was eyeballing me the whole time. Finally he told me to leave so I did.

My host in Spokane did a bit of flaking as well. So I hung out at Emily's house on the outskirts of Spokane with a brilliant panoramic view of the city from the country. She made us shirts to wear on the roadtrip; they say "LIBERATION = JOY!" because that's been kind of a mantra for me the past year. Emily is a bridesmaid at the wedding. We left early the next morning for Seattle. Our jaws dropped and we screamed and again hooted and hollered when we passed through Snoqualmie Pass. We got to a Seattle and met up with a friend of mine from Lincoln: Katie Campbell. She showed us around the market and we saw those dudes throw fishes and what not.

Later, we showed up at our host's house and started setting up. While doing so on the hosts approached me and asked "Is your show queer-friendly?" I was kind of taken aback by this because it seemed kind of random and I interpreted it as "Is your show pro-queer?" It definitely wasn't pro-queer but it wasn't anti-queer, I reasoned. I stammered and asked her why she asked. I think this kind of made her mad and she told me that many of her friends that were coming were queer. I told her that it was universe-friendly. In any case, I think it allowed some tension between us and I wish I had been wiser.

The show went off without any major hitches. I played. We slept. The next morning we left. We explored downtown Seattle on our own and then made off down the coast on historic highway 101. I think I've become numb to beauty on this trip. I see so many beautiful things fly by that sometimes I don't care anymore. I need a love-boost. Anyway, we came down the coast and stopped in Seasdie, Oregon. It was a sprinkly day so we walked on the beach and held our shoes in our hands. We snuck into the Holiday Inn Express and pretended like we had rooms there to use their wi-fi, pool, hot tub, sauna, and the next morning, their free continental breakfast. That night we watched the Bourne Ultimatum (ehhh...) and then slept in my car.

After breakfast we took our time driving down the coast stopping here and there for a photo op. When we finally got to Portland we met up with a friend of Emily's. She hung out for a bit and then had to leave to study for a test. I called another friend of mine and he came a few hours later. Emily was sleepy so she fell asleep on a park bench on the campus of Portland State University and I read my book on How To Teach Yourself Portuguese. My friend Jesse came and took us out to eat on Hawthorne street. Afterwards, we booked it to the show. Apparently, the hosts had forgotten about us too and was still trying to find more people to show up. A lot of people came way later and I started playing at around 10. The next day (today) we had to be on the radio at the University of Oregon for a live thing/interview. So we drove directly that night to Eugene and stayed with a dear couple-friend of mine: The Vickerys from Arkansas. We got there late and stayed up talking and throwing old times. My heart was definitely warmed to see those guys.

Now I'm sitting in their kitchen/computer room/everything in their tiny studio apartment in downtown Eugene. The University is down the street and so we'll be leaving the apartment shortly. I suppose that's all I have to say for now. I have pictures but I don't know when I'll be able to post them.

Review Boulder Show

2007-08-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

So the show in Boulder finally happened. My host Todd and I kept missing each other and miscommunicating until I thought about just skipping over Boulder. Luckily I didn't; I made over $100--more than any other show I've ever played. Ever. And in a show with 7 people in attendance.

The other day I was standing on sidewalk in Denver thinking of what a sorry situation I was in. I needed money. I didn't have a show in Denver. I stayed in Denver way longer than I thought I would. I didn't feel comfortable sitting around all day. Besides that, I needed to start planning for school and my academic situation (applying for the education program) which called for my being in Lincoln on the 16th of the month. I was bound and afflicted and my mother wasn't making it easier. I needed a boost of hope. Besides even that, Emily was trying to figure out what I would before Sunday when she gets off work from MiVoden. The plan involved my sleeping on the road, camping, and paying MiVoden for food. This plan was hapharzard to say the least. But right then, a truck drove by with a Bible verse that said: "You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. " Isaiah 26:3. The funny thing about this verse is that it has followed and haunted me for a number of years now. It will appear suddenly on a card, a note, even simply a random opening of the Bible. I was telling someone this morning of how this whole trip has been one miracle after another; I am being taken care of and I need to learn to relax. I need to learn to go with what the the universe/God throws at me because the universe/God are going to take care of me. It's been a humbling and inspiring thought the past few days.

I mentioned to Todd how I needed to leave that night because I had 15 hours of driving until I got to Spokane/MiVoden Camp. I said how I had tried finding a couch or even a show in Wyoming but nothing doing. In a matter of minutes, I was talking to a friend of his from Jackson, Wyoming that would set up a show for me there. Apparently Jackson is like a small Boulder in Wyoming.

This is Major. He is a yoga teacher and botar player (that strange instrument he's tuning). Later in the evening he performed a traditional Buddhist chant in Hindi. He let me play it a little.
This is the next morning . I slept on the floor near the coffee table where I'm sitting. Major slept on the couch. I hope my mother doesn't see this picture and think I need to gain weight. You can see my ribs!
And that's me.
Helloooooooooooo!

Denver...Denver

2007-07-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

I was convinced by some great people in Santa Fe to take the scenic route to Denver: Highway 285. What they didn't tell me was how confusing it was to stay on that single highway.

By taking I-25, you can get to Denver in about 6 hours. Somehow I turned it into a 9 hour trip. The thing about small highways is that there are so many of them that they weave in and out of each other.

Other than that the drive was unbelievable. Jagged cliffs and rutted mountain faces and towering clouds, expansive sky. I'm telling you: it was the most beautiful thing I've seen on this trip. At more than one point I felt tears well up in my soul from sheer joy and happiness. I can't explain how beautiful it was to me. At times I wished I had someone to share it with, to help me absorb the enormity of it all. Those moments usually gave way to of feeling like a sponge and attempting to absorb all the beauty by myself.

I arrived to Denver around 7:30 with the show starting at 8. My laptop batter had died taking with it the directions as to my host's apartment. I even tried calling her a few times with the minimal phone battery I had managed to conserve after having left my charger in Denton. Although I had made it into Denver about 2 hours before I wasn't able to find the apartment for quite some time. I finally ran across it by total chance and buzzed up but got no answer. So I walked up and figured out which door was hers. I knock and her sister answers. There's no one else home.

I realize that we had committed a great miscommunication. Apparently, Erin thought I would bring people to her house and she would host. But I don't know anyone in Denver. And also she was really sick. So a show wouldn't have been a good idea, plus I was hella tire from my crazy drive. So me and her and her sister hung out. Then these two other guys showed up who had been traveling the country for a year or so.

This morning I went to church with my host's sister. It wasn't so much a church as it was a spiritual community. At one point the band broke into some kind of 70s throwback funk and everybody got up and started dancing. The speaker spoke about centering our chakra's and getting rid of negative energy. I enjoyed the new scope of people I experienced but couldn't help but feeling afterward that it had all been a performance.

Now my host in Boulder seems to have flaked on me. I don't know what to do. Should I stay in Denver and go to a cajun cook off and maybe play a show? Or should I go to downtown Boulder and play on the street? Either way, I will have to talk to people I don't know which, as always, runs the risk of awkwardness. I really just want to be with someone I know. I hate making friends and then leaving. I wish I were back in Santa Fe with those nice people, or maybe just in Spokane already. I can't wait to see Emily. Loneliness has been my adversary on this trip.

In any case, I'll write more later.

Review Albuquerque/Santa Fe Shows

2007-07-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sleeping in your car is not as romantic as it sounds. In a sense, it is, but not as much as I thought it would be.

First of all, because of my gear in the backseat, I couldn't recline completely so all night I slept just almost at a point where I was flat but not exactly. This drove my insane. Otherwise, the night was pleasant. A desert thunderstorm was brewing and I fell asleep to the heat of the parched earth beneath my feet and the rumblings of the sky over my head. I even slept with the windows rolled down and with a foot sticking out. I could feel the desert breeze between my toes. Friends, that was freedom. Initially, I found a spot to park my car. It was on a construction-looking site and behind a trailer so I would clear from the road should any of Albuquerque's finest spot me whilst patrolling the premise. Eventually, I was able to curl up and get some uncomfortably positioned sleep.

The next morning the police came. I saw them before they saw me. They went inside and I totally booked it. There's something terribly funny about running from the police while in a blurry stupor after waking up. I was laughing for 20 minutes by myself.

The night before I actually googled "My parents don't know I'm homeless" and found a lot of tips on what to do when you're homeless. Spent a lot of time in the library and read some William Saroyan. I swear, that man inspires to be better. Then I decided to learn Portuguese. So I'm doing that.

I knew I couldn't take another night in a car so I wrote my hosts and they said I could come that night if I wanted. So I did. Ryan and Lindsey were so nice. We stayed up late talking about music and sharing it. The next day Ryan took me out for breakfast with some other friends and good times were had. That night we went to communion. I hadn't been to one in quite some time. We came home and everyone at and hung out and smoked hookah and laughed and talked. It was great. Unfortunately, the show was not. I hated the way I sounded and everything was just way too sloppy. I managed to make good gas money that night however. God bless their hearts, they bought CDs notwithstanding my horrible sound.

The next day I rested and took care of some things and then drove to Santa Fe. Apparently, my host invited a bunch of people and only about half came, which was still a lot of people for me. That's one thing about promotion: if you promote for 50 people expect 25 to show. I decided to stay another day and so tonight I'm going to see his band play at a bike bar outside of town called the Mineshaft. Anyway, I struck conversation with a certain Danielle who was really nice and turned out to be a musician. She mentioned that she hadn't toured the US very much but had gotten back from a European thing with some other bands. I go "Really, that's cool. Who are these bands?" She goes, "Oh it's this band called Grizzly Bear and another one called CoCoRosie."

My mouth literally dropped.

Those were the last two bands I was expecting. At the most, I thought she had toured with a bunch of friends but two established bands who I coincidentally really like. Apparently, she's signed to Gnomonsong--a San Fransisco label started by Devendra Banhart and who represent the Papercuts and Jana Hunter. Danielle is in a band called Rio En Medio. She's going to be playing the same show with my host. I've decided not to listen to anything on her MySpace in order to go in completely fresh for tonight's show. I'm excited because I saw her working with my host on some video art to be projected while she plays. It involves home video all shot on Super 8mm. This will be a good show.

As for my show, I was very satisfied. The acoustics were perfect and the energy from the people was spectacular. I've never had a rowdier crowd. It helped keep me on edge. Afterwards, I got a HUGE hug from one guy. Seriously, it was a squeeze and a half and I think I've needed a hug like that for some time now. As a matter of fact there was a lot of hugging going on that night. Everyone was friends and they just hugged each other and loved each other. Moments like these are the most beautiful of the tour: seeing people connect and seeing how different people love other people in different ways.

This morning we went out for breakfast with the other guys from D Numbers--my host's band. We laughed and talked about energies and influences at a cozy Southwestern cafe named Cafe Pascual. I leave tomorrow morning, bright and early. Someone suggested that I take the scenic route to Denver. So I plan to leave early in order to see the sights of the road and to have some time of hanging out in Denver. So far, I feel so satisfied with how everything is going. I really can't complain. I love my life.

My parents don't know I'm homeless...

2007-07-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

That's a funny thought.

I'm sitting in a diner in downtown Albuquerque that could have been clipped right out of the 1970s: brown and orange vinyl seats, paper thin place mats, and strange glassware. I don't know where I'll be sleeping tonight. Most likely in my car, possibly a residential area, and in a well-lit region.

I thought I would come to Albuquerque to visit a friend but the more I thought about it, the worse of an idea it became. I was already a few hours down the road and couldn't turn around. So here I am. My show is on Wednesday so I few days early and too shy to ask my hosts to sleep there tonight. So I've been loitering ever since.

This isn't my first experience with loitering. Some friends and I loitered in a Greek cafe in Thessaloníki after arriving at the train station at 1 AM and while waiting for our train to 7 AM train to Athens. We ordered a sandwich and ate it in the upstairs loft where other winos had gotten the same idea we had: chill/sleep here until morning. They all sat with their heads on the tables passed out. The owner came up yelling and pushing people out of chairs. He also accused my friend Rheu of being drunk because he was sleeping. That brings back a chuckle...

A few hours ago, I was reminded me of my home away from home: Prague. How so? Police brutality exhibited on homeless and inebriated men. I sat down at the Wendy's across the street and watched the whole thing happen while eating a chili cup--my first taste of meat since I became vegetarian. I'm getting too skinny. Gotta eat more meat.

I wish I had my bike. I would love to ride through this city.
I might take a walk later. The waitress is giving me a funny look for being here too long.

In another effort to save gas I've begun to drive extended lengths of road with only the vent to cool me down in the desert heat. Today I reached an all time low as to my frugality.

I drove naked.

That's right. Not only was I sufficiently cooled down but there's a rush that comes when people drive by completely oblivious as to your nudity. The only thing to look out for is truck drivers because they're up higher. My theory is that fellow sub-compacts can't see too far into your car and if they can, your midsection is most likely out of sight. Now, I'm not a really naked kind of guy. In the words of Woody Allen, "I prefer not to get naked in front of a man of my same gender." But the experience was really quite liberating. And I mean, how often do you get sun on that part of your body. The answer is probably not very often considering America's Judeo-Christian prudeness.

Another experience of today: I am documenting my trip via Polaroid film. It's harder than you might think. My viewfinder is screwy, I think. In any case, I tried taking a picture of the road while driving and stupidly stuck my head out the window while wearing my hat. Needless to say, it was blown off my head. I started freaking out because it's literally my favorite hat and I have only been reunited with it for a month after its year-long furlough in Jonny's car. I thought about leaving it back there but I couldn't stand leaving it all alone on the road. So I pulled off at the next bridge, jumped out and took my picture (which was at a better angle on the bridge), jumped back in my car and drove back east. I thought it would be torn to pieces from traffic but I kept looking for it. Finally, I spotted it across the median in the middle of the road! So I pulled off and waited for a few minutes until traffic cleared and booked it across the median. I knew it had blown off near a broken down car so as I pulled off the near the ill-fated vehicle, I spotted my hat right next to it. I guess some cars had kicked it over there. I got out and picked it up to survey the damage. Fortunately, damage was minimal. The bill wasn't even broken just scratched up and bent a little. I was so proud of myself! I got the polaroid and my hat. I was seriously on top of the world. Nothing could've brought me down from that high--not my financial situation, my ridiculous gas prices, or homeless nights. I was a giant.

Anyway, that's all for now...

Review Amarillo and Denton show

2007-07-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

I'm in Amarillo at the moment, sitting at my host Tommy's house.

I played last night in an abandoned courtyard downtown with grass coming up between the bricks of the floor and vines growing on the dilapidated walls. It was a gorgeous night and you could see the stars perfectly.

It turns out that Amarillo's downtown is actually rather dead. Walking through it gives this eerie sense that you're in a zombie film because there a buildings everywhere and there's a healthy mix of modern and classic architecture but nobody's there. My host and a bunch of his friends are actually developers and are really passionate are renovating the downtown district. It was inspiring to listen to them talk about it.

I'll be leaving in a bit and headed to Albuquerque where I'm staying with a married couple. The show isn't until Wednesday so I thought I might hang out for a few days. Maybe sleep in the park or relax at a coffeehouse. I really don't know.

I drove the six hours from Denton to Amarillo yesterday. It was nice to have some quiet to meditate and think about things. I took a polaroid of the rolling plains. The ground is starting to become desert; little patches of red dirt stick out on the grass. I love the desert so much. I really can't wait. I hope it rains while I'm there.

I left my phone charger in Denton. My friend Dina is going to mail it. I want to make sure I get it so I'm gonna send it to Denver. I'll be there on Thursday. That should be enough, right? I hope so. I also hope that I'll meet someone with my same kind of charger.

I really liked the Denton show. It was a vegan potluck and everything, everything was vegan including some candy. We played and just had a lot of fun. The 715 Panhandle people were so nice! They just love each other and have fun and hang out. It's like a big family. I would love to live in Denton solely for the community of it all.

What else? I don't know what else.
I'm hungry. I think I'll treat myself to waffles.
Yum...

psalm 19

2007-07-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

"The skies scream! Of glory and of God; their enormity is crushing! Day to day they speak to us and night to night they teach us. But not with words; their voices are listened to but never heard. Their clouds are but whispers; their horizons but bones of fingers that fold together for homes."

Smile! Today is like no other!

As we grow young

2007-07-19T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in Austin, Texas at the moment sitting in the studio/house of BrandNameRadio where Dave and I will be playing for a small crowd of Austinite potluckers. I'm listening to Dave's new record right now and let me tell you--it's sounds spectacular.

Last night was the show in a town near Houston called Kemah which is a beautiful, little tucked away corner by the sea that boasts sailboats and astronauts. There was wine, spaghetti, and reverb. Reverb makes for a good show. The Hungry Villagers played also. They sounded pretty amazing. Abraham from the band came up to me and said something very interesting. He said that as we grow up, we also have to remember to grow young. Granted, he was a bit drunk at the time but nevertheless, the man spoke truth.

I didn't make much money last night but at least it helped with gas.

My mother keeps having these reoccurring dreams where I end up in a hospital from malnutrition and depression. It worries me that she takes them so seriously. She says she's going to start giving me more money for food. Which is just as well because I'm not sure how far my funds will end up carrying me.

My worries have evaded my for a few days now.
New ones are brewing. I heard about a few the other day.

After filling up today, I looked through my rear-view mirror to see my gas cap fly up in the air. Apparently, I hadn't screwed it back in after filling up. I turned around and looked up and down the highway for it. Luckily, Dave could see it in the road so I jumped out there and got it.

It's awfully hot here.
I will drink some water.
Ok.
Goodbye.

Friday the 13th and I'm not so lucky

2007-07-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

It's very difficult for me not to be pessimistic right now.

The Texas leg of this tour was supposed to be the "money-maker'; the one to kind of set me for the rest of the trip. I figured this because I would touring with two friends who live in Texas. They are Dave Rask and Taylor Phillips. I figured they would know people and get us houses so I worried about the rest of my trip. I got us a show on the radio in Austin and Denton and a Dave got us a show in Houston. Unfortunately, that's all we've been able to manage.

Pick me ups:

Getting to hang out with friends a little longer

The Denton show looks like it's going to be really fun and by really fun i mean it's going to be a birthday bash/hang-out sesh/show/zombie dress-up. I'm going as a zombie and/or mad cow.

I guess I don't have a third bullet...

The urge to be negative is almost overwhelming but hope is always stronger. I had an emotionally draining afternoon. I spoke with the mother of a dear friend who passed away in October. We talked about her and how beautiful she was and about her struggle and the adventure she was on hitch-hiking through California. It made me both very happy and very sad, especially when I heard her choke up during really difficult parts of the story.

But honestly, things could be a lot harder at the moment. All of my immediate family members are alive and healthy and we love each other. This is good. I went to a fun metal show last night. That was good. I'm met some nice girls last night at IHOP. I enjoyed it. I laughed this afternoon when putting up letters on a pharmacy store sign. And also, at the moment, a kitten is cuddled on my lap napping away.

I had a few too many cups of coffee last night and stayed up late surfing the web. As it was, I found out a few things about saving gas. Apparently, if you add 10 mL to every gallon of gas you pump, you can save butt loads of gas. I'm willing to try this. Also, I found this other web site that Jonny had told me about called Lifehack.org and it has a lot of interesting articles in it. It has info that helps you save money and improve your life because it operates on the GTD ethic--which is another really cool thing I read up on last night.

The end of the beginning approaches

2007-07-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

This is a picture I found randomly on MySpace. It was of the Kansas City show at my friend Eric's sister's 18th backyard birthday party.

So update...or rather, tidbits.

The tour officially, officially starts on Sunday...gaping holes remain as to the dates.
Last week was a blur of undernourishment, anxiety, caffeine and inadequate times of sleep.
Ky came home from Prague.
I had my first experience with excellent California red wine which, ironically enough, was bought in the Czech Republic.
I've bought film for my Polaroid camera to document the trip.
A ill-mannered and sociopathic daschound gnawed through my Powerbook charger.
I bought a new Powerbook charger.
I began reading a Johnny Cash biography named The Man Called Cash
I have been experiencing moments of plaguing self-doubt and gut-wrenching indecision.
I got a letter from my friend Katrina Emery; she had the sweetest things to say
I checked out my engine fluids and bought little things for the trip; this is a good feeling: micro-managing
As I write this I am downloading the Tropicália an album I've been interested in for about 2 years now.
A friend and I have decided to start an independent zine in Lincoln when I come back next semester, so if you're from the area be on the look out for that.

I saw Boogie Nights yesterday for the first time in about 4 years. I was discussing it with a friend--who had admittedly never seen it--over the phone All she could see was that the story was about degenerates having sex and doing coke. But good Lordie if that Paul Thomas Anderson didn't make me tear up. That film has some deeply moving and pure moments I've ever seen in cinema. It was just so inspiring seeing that family of misfits loving each other however backwards and flagrant that love may have been. This is the kind of family I want to start, the kind of family that I want us to be: impure but trying, flawed but aware.

Let's keep trying.
I feel like I don't have anything important to say.

Pictures of show in Conway, AR and an update

2007-06-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures of my last show in Conway, AR at the garage of a house where a number of Hendrix College students live together. This is basically what every show looks like.

At the moment I am staying with a couple who I've known for a number of years. We're working on some short films and I plan to improve my abilities with dialog and story. I'll be here for three weeks before I begin my Texas leg of the tour. In related news, my dear friend Ky Huber comes back from a year in Prague in exactly one week. He'll be coming with me through Texas as he is a spectacular guitarist.

In the past week 3 houses have canceled on me. One for personal reasons and two for simple poor communication--they made plans after confirming the dates. However irritating that may be, I really don't have to time to think about it. I have to fill up those holes somehow and that's what I've been preoccupying myself with.

Many thanks to Ms. Olivia Rose Larson for her stellar photography.

Radio Show!

2007-06-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

So far, I have driven approximately 663 miles for the tour. Lincoln to Kansas City to Durham to Conway, Arkansas where I am now.

I did the radio show last night which was tons of fun. I recorded it too and I'll probably upload it as soon as I find time. Basically, we pulled an NPR All Songs Considered and I guest DJ'd and played some of my own songs live. Since the radio station is only a 10 watt tower, we could really do anything we wanted without having to worry about the FCC. Of course, I played some AIDS Wolf and some Locust and what kind of radio show would it have been had I not played anything by Agoraphobic Nosebleed?

9 seconds of mayhem ensued.

We mentioned the potluck show about 15 times. So everyone within a 5 mile radius of the college was invited. In any case, I expect much tonight.

I just woke up from sleeping on Myles' (my host) floor. I'm about to head about to see a certain female entity and then have lunch. I'll write more later.

I find my wallet and other complications

2007-06-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

It was a mere 24 hours ago that I found myself in a state of stress and duress. Now I'm sittin' pretty at the computer writing about how cool I am (I employ the word 'cool' here simply for its referral to propensities in temperature--the AC is on).

I found my wallet.

Well, my mother found it for me.

I had left it in her car the other day and completely forgot. It's funny to think about how worked up I was about that wallet when really the entire time it was sitting safely in my mother's Toyota Camry.

I woke up this morning with a friend on my mind and I decided to call her. We talked for about an hour and a half--something I don't frequently do mostly because it can come out to be quite expensive but also because I've seen that people usually run out of things to say about about the 15 or 20-minute mark. It was nice. Talking to people and communicating is something I very much want to incorporate in the tour. I didn't do a very good job of that at the Kansas City show. But that's neither here nor there.....

I still haven't booked the Seattle venue even though I've been telling myself I have to. I guess I've been kind of hoping against hope that somehow a show would open up with Husbands, Love Your Wives who is this amazing girl with lyrics that blow my mind. I don't think that'll work out.

Another thing that should've prompted me to book the venue is my discovery of a myspace that list a number of DIY venues across America. This might be handy for another tour. In any case, I really need to get on it. So much to do...

I bought another projector. I have three now. My last one was a Dukane Film Projector but this one is a slide projector. I was having a hard time figuring out how to implement the film projector into the show, what with me being one guy. Fortunately, this new projector has an automatic setting that turns the slides at 4, 10, 15 second intervals. Unfortunately, the down side is that I bought the projector at a pawn shop and it's missing its slide tray. Also, I'll have to transfer all my film strips into slides. This could prove to be very costly. I went to Wal-Mart (I know, I know) to see how much it would be and they told me that they would charge me by every individual slide. Meaning if I send in an entire film roll, they would have to charge me by the slide: $29.97 a slide.

Quite a lemon if you ask me.

Tomorrow I'm heading into Bentonville (my mother is jonsing to get me a pair of jeans without holes in them) and I'll swing by a professional camera shop to hear their take on the matter. In any case even if the slides turn out to be too expensive to pull of for the tour, I'll be able to get a few done a time when I come back.

In other news, my car is looking a little...what's the word...shady? Every time I mentioned my tour to someone their almost immediate reply to my bewilderment was "You got a pretty reliable car then?" And it's not that it's a silly question. It's just that now is the time for dreaming, later is the time for thinking and doing. Right now, let me dream.

Maybe I've been dreaming long enough.

I told myself this week that I'd really be able to take care of some loose ends. Unfortunately, my foresight proved to be shallower than even I expected. The brakes on my car are a little strange and by that I mean, a little not good by which I mean, they squeal and they seem to be getting pretty old. I took it in today to see how much work would have to be done and how much it would run me. Apparently, it'll be $99 for labor, $44 for the brakes, and $65 for some disc or something. Bottom line is I don't have that kind of money. Even though my mother volunteered to pay for my car's tune up, she currently finds herself between checks. I'm thinking we'll split it even though it is my car and I should be paying all of it. I'm grateful for whatever I can get.

In any case, tomorrow I'll leaving for Conway tomorrow (Friday) even though the show is on Sunday in order to hang out for a few days with the female friend and also because I'm going to be the radio on Saturday. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. I'm going to be on the radio on Saturday. It's supposed to be a 10-watt tower which I guess means it's not very big? Anyway, if there's anyway I can get the audio for that, I'll be sure to post it on here.

And finally, I think I'm going to make off with my parent's digital camera. They hardly use it and I need one for this summer. It's settled--I'm stealing it.

I lost my wallet...again

2007-06-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

I've been talking about that one single slip-up that might do me in and I think I've just done it.

One day a few years ago I remember being completely overwhelmed by the infinite upon infinite details of life. I'd never experienced anything like it before but it was as if the world had cracked like an egg on the back of my neck and I was waist deep in the running yolk of minutia. It was a sobering moment but also one of extreme discomfort and fastidious anxiety.

I lost my wallet.

I'm already a forgetful person and trying to mind these details only makes me more nervous than I already am. Generally, I try to just move with the flow of things and somehow find a compromise between that and my own view on reality.

I can't helped but think about how screwed I'll be if I can't find it. All the money I saved for the tour is kept in a savings account in Nebraska. A savings account whose debit card is in my wallet and whose money cannot be withdrawn or transferred without that card (I would opt for online banking but the thing is super messed up--I've gotten a new password about three times. I don't even know what it is now.) Without my debit card for that account all the money I saved up for the tour will basically be frozen.

I tried to calm down by reading and it worked to a certain degree but I finished the book and then had nothing else to read. I even listened to Brian Eno's Music for Aiports--a personal favorite. The effect was sedating but only as an escapist means to an end.

Then the there's the mess of re-tracing your steps....

The last time I specifically remember having it was on Sunday while driving to the show at the bakery because I bought some more gas. I don't remember if I put the wallet on the trunk of my car while filling and then forgot to put it away or if I somehow lost it after that. It starts getting hazy after that. I vaguely remember having the wallet at the bakery but that might just be my mind trying to give me what I want. Besides, I called there and they said they hadn't seen it. We left the bakery at about 1:30. The trip home was a blur because I was half-asleep. Then Richard drove and I completely zonked out.

I've lost my wallet on many occasions before and I've learned to never panic. Panicking only impairs my ability to think critically and actually get out of my problem. So I usually try to shrug it off and not think about it; it's probably around somewhere. Well, I did that for two days until today when I knew I had to buy some more things for the tour. Fortunately, I've been doing relatively well regarding anxiety. I went out anyway and actually took stock of what I needed to buy and how much it cost. I also visited some pawn shops to see if they would buy my bass amp (no luck). So at least I'm pleased in that regard.

Something is telling me to be hopeful and brave and to not give in to anxiety. That one's a killer. If there's one thing I've learned in this stage of Formulation for the tour is how to deal with anxiety more concretely. It's so hard to remember that all these emotions derive because of chemicals sloshing around in my cranium. That sometimes helps me to calm down. I decided long ago to never be a slave again--to my emotions, to misconceptions, or to other people. I won't allow this detail to take over my life and ruin something beautiful and worthy. Determination and perseverance line the path to a better life.

Courage, my love!

2007-06-18T20:14:00.001-07:00

courage my love
Originally uploaded by renfro

I am back from Canada and have done two shows since then: one in Kansas City at a friend's sister's birthday party and another last night in Arkansas at a bakery in the middle of nowhere.

The first show was outside and bugs were all over the place. These crazy junebugs were nosediving left and right, into lights, into my guitar, and into the overhead and the amps. But overall, the show was a lot of fun. I kind of derived from the set list and got some audience participation for a song that I'm writing. I got to borrow a friend's harmonica neck brace and that added a lot more to the show. All in all, about 40 people sat in lawn chairs while I played under a tree. Plus, that family let me borrow their projection screen which is perfect for my overhead projector. I also sold a lot of cds--which may or may not be a bad thing. The cd is literally the worst quality ever. That's why I'm embarassed to really ask any kind of money for it even though I told myself I would sell them for $3. That night I sold one for a hug from a kid named Taylor. (Way to go, Taylor!) I enjoyed that hug and I really shouldn't worry about money issues anymore.

Another thing, I forgot to burn the cds before the show so afterward I was stuck with a line of like 5 kids waiting for a cd to burn by the time I got three out a whole slew of them left the party. I will have the foresight for that next time.

The other show was at the Pegasus Ranch which is actually the upstairs of a bakery. I had gotten to the Kansas City show a little late and was rushed as to the subtleties in the set so I promised myself that the next night would be better and that I would be really try to give the people something special. So I got there early and set everything up really nice and got it looking snazzy. Problem was that I hadn't realized it was Father's Day so very few people came. Even though I shouldn't be, I'm a little embarassed to say how many came. Regardless, I was very satisfied with the show--something I rarely say. Anyway, it was great fun talking with everyone and then taking a walk through Terra Studios which is across the street from the bakery.

I still don't have any pictures of any of the shows. I don't know if I will.

After last night's show, I'm getting rather close to despairing about the rest of the tour. Will attendance be equally as low at other shows? Will anyone ever bring food? I need to remember to have courage. I need to be brave about the things that scare me because soon they become a cage. This is how to stop anxiety attacks at their roots.

I found the picture above last week in Toronto. It's some kind of clothing store but I thought the name was fitting and beautiful and nice.

My next show is on Sunday night in Conway, AR in the house of Hendrix College student. I'm pretty excited about that date because it'll be the first house show hosted by a stranger. Also, I'll be seeing a certain female which may or may not be giving me butterflies. And I don't mean in a jar.

I've mentioned Christopher Denny before but now I'm providing a sample. Dude makes me cry:

Christopher Denny - "Wake Up"

It hurts to write this

2007-06-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

I can't explain how lovely it feels when someone offers their house.

Someone in Santa Fe has opened their house and filled in yet another hole on the tour. Sometimes I have to sit and laugh at the thought that all this is actually working. That people are actually making this happen. This astounds me.

I'm in Canada right now, near Toronto actually. I am on vacation with a few friends and so far it has been quite decent in the land of the maple leaf. I bought a Cuban cigar the other day and smoked it whilst laying on a dock and staring in the deepest, inkiest, most infinite blackness of stars that I have ever seen. It was certainly something to exist for.

We walked through the "hippie" district of Toronto yesterday. It seemed like a nice place to live. Very comfy, very cozy. Right there, in the middle of a metropolis. I walked past these two girls playing guitar on the street. I came back hours later and saw them sitting in the same spots, both sunburned and with a sign that read REAL STARVING ARTISTS. I have explained my views on what an artist is and if you haven't read it, well then here's a link (it's near the end). But it really bothered me that these girls were trying to use the notion of being artists to evoke emotions and thus spare change from pockets to plastic cups. Not only that but it ultimately excused their not having a job and, essentially, not contributing to society. Instead they were panhandling in a hippie district--something like preaching to the choir to me--and were so determined not to work that they were willing to be sunburned in order "fight the man" or "oppose capitalism."

Now's here the twist.

Then how am I different?

I am not.

I'm doing the exact same thing.

Now, I don't embrace the title of "artist" at all but I think essentially we're the same. Driving from house to house, mooching off of people, sleeping on their couches, eating their food, meeting their friends. I'm not working this summer because of the tour and I'm not really sure why people should help me out. I'm sure there are some difference between me and those girls but essentially, we're the same.

It hurts to write this.

Of clippings and cuttings

2007-06-07T08:41:00.001-07:00

Here is the link to the Lincoln Journal-Star article on the first potluck show last Friday.

I hope you enjoy!

Careful, little firefly...careful

2007-06-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

I have to mow the lawn in a bit. That ought to be nice.

The show went swimmingly. I haven't updated because I thought I might have pictures by now. I don't. But I'll post them when/if I get them.

This show was billed a little different than the rest of the shows. We asked people to bring lamps as well as food. Maybe it was too much to ask because few people brought food and even fewer brought lamps. The idea was to have a whole living room floor filled up with lamps. I think maybe people were confused because all we wrote on the flyer was "Bring a lamp or bring some food!" I suppose, we've learned our lesson. I also heard talk of other people doing house shows in lincoln this summer. I'm excited about that! Even though, I won't be there I think it lovely that people are catching onto the idea.

Another lesson I learned, and this is in the gadget department, you probably shouldn't plug two separate instruments into one amp. I plugged my laptop and guitar in my amp. It pooped out mid-show and everything started sounding really faint and distant afterward. My heart sank, especially since I just bought the amp only a week ago at a pawn shop. It was working okay after the show. A little shaky but it worked.

I was driving the other day when I pulled out on the highway and almost got broad-sided by an SUV. Luckily, she stomped on her brakes and so did I while throwing it in reverse and backing in the gas station I had just left. I watched her huff past and then thought to myself, "Careful, little firefly...careful." In that split second, my whole tour could've been squashed like a bug in a windshield instead of being a friendly beacon in oppression. All that just because I hadn't properly looked out for traffic. I've been noticing that I've been cutting corner lately. Details matter. I need to take things slow, to listen and feel and think and enjoy.

I don't know how I feel about relationships and the such or exactly what to make of their species, but there's a certain female I have my eye on. My recent mantra against dating was that free birds don't need cages, even gold ones. Is this just an extra shiny cage or a new home?

There's this guy I started listening to tonight called Christopher Denny. He's also from the natural state and god, his voice is so beautiful and ancient and wise.

I'm almost done with Life of Pi. I swear, there's something I'm missing about the book. I have suspicions but nothing I'm really sure of. I'm enjoying figuring out the symbols and the color parallels.

The story of the potluck tour runs tomorrow in the Lincoln Journal-Star! I'll post a link .

I have to drive 38 hours in the next 2 weeks. This will be brutal.

Panic! At the Artistic Disco!

2007-05-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Potluck Tour of Homes Kick-Off is approaching.
Anxiety abounds.

_________________________________

The temptation to despair and materialize my doubts into reality seems too close a friend nowadays. Sometimes I think this whole thing is too great for me--that I'm presuming and intruding and grabbing at some kind of holy thing with which I have no business dealing. I called my mother yesterday in the middle of a panic attack. They are usually rare but they happen. I took myself to Kuhl's Family Restaurant on O, across the street from the Black Market. I ate and then I sat in a sunny courtyard to read. Sometimes you just have to let the train cars pile up and take a breath.

I've been talking to Cindy Lange-Kubick from the Lincoln Journal Star; she writes some really great human interest pieces, so I thought she'd be interested in running a story on the tour. I initially wanted the story to run before I left town in order to involve as many people as possible into the project, but I don't think that was feasible, especially for a newspaper. In any case, she'll be making an appearance at the show on Friday and I guess I'll be in the paper sometime next week.

The notion has gained new perspective and fresh anxiety that I will be very, very poor this summer. Like poor-poor. Not just uncomfortable, not just inconvenienced, but seriously, poor. The last time I was that poor was about 4 years ago on a trip with some friends from Arkansas up here to Lincoln. I was 17, had little money, and had planned quite minimally for the trip. I spent most of my money on novelties at gas stations including a camouflaged trucker hat that read "We Support Our Troops in Missouri." I was literally starving by the end of the 4-day trip.

I've begun recording sample tracks for the shows this summer. I still don't know what I'll do exactly, but they'll come in between the songs. One of the tracks, from 1978's Slave of the Cannibal God, crescendos into an ear-piercing screech of feedback and fatal orchestral disaster. I'm pretty proud of it and plan to use it as an opener. The drawback is the difficulty in playing the samples between songs without losing some of the atmosphere. I'm trying to come up with the money for a looping pedal but so far, it's not looking too good. Look at me, an artiste-for-life.

Speaking of which, I was talking to someone the other day about the concept of "the artist" and how uncomfortable I felt when she called me that. I get antsy calling people artists or calling something artistic or defining art. That explains why I get nervous going to art gallerys. In this place, here, art exists. You come here and you see art and then you go home and then don't. Art is not at your home, job, backyard; it is here. I suppose that could be filmhouse, a coffee shop, a community center. In any case, she also argued that being an artist is to be an observer and reflection of society. But is that all an artist is? An observer with a fancy mouthpiece? What is the difference between an artist and a person with artistic tendencies? Where is the line between artistry and creativity? What distinguishes an artist from a human being? I told her that I was comfortable with just being Wagner Israel Cilio III.

Maybe it's just a fear of labels and their inherent restricting nature that makes me cringe or maybe it's that I'm afraid of operating under some kind of misnomer canopy and then being made exposed for it. The former seems noble, the latter does not. Similarly, I don't like to define God with a respect to religion or dogma: defining the concept by its denotation seems to me, myopic.

I might be getting off topic but I truly believe that the concept of "art" is simply another natural, organic, praise-worthy facet of God. Singling it out as nobler than other facets is redundant because as soon as you name it, the game is up. Immediately, this "art" ceases to be natural, ceases to real, ceases to be God. It begins to be contrived, pretentious, boring, man-made, repeated, old. As a matter of fact, I would say that I am hesitant in defining art--and inherently God--for the exact same reasons: It seems awfully presumable to funnel the Creator of the Cosmos and of Life and Hope (and Art) into a concrete denotative cage to display/boast, don't you think?

So instead of observing God and society, let's experience it. Let's celebrate man and God in man and man in ourselves. Let's be experiencing machines and participate within our own reflections of society. Let's reflect only as naturally as a mirror reflects stains, beauty, truth, and life. Let's just be.

Potluck Manifesto

2007-05-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is the letter I sent out to all my hosts. I googled 'potluck manifesto' and a link to this site came up. I thought it fitting and ironic that I, with my name being Israel, found this blog with an obvious traditional Jewish twist. Anyway, enjoy.
____________________________________________________________________

Hey guys,

As you probably know, I'm driving to California on a "Potluck Tour Across America" (which really isn't across America). I'm going to a wedding on August 11 and figured I would make it fun along the way. You're getting this e-mail because you're somehow involved in this tour. This brings me to my first point:

You
I am glad that you are in making this tour possible because honestly, community is the blood of this whole operation. That's you! So thanks so much. The point of the tour is to promote community and to bridge gaps between people. Nothing fancy. Nothing to make money. Every show will be different and strange and unique in its own rite. This is as much your tour as it is my tour. We will drink, eat, and tell stories and be happy together. We can talk about life and stars and baby caterpillars and everything else under the sun. I'm looking forward to it!

Promote
99.9% of this tour will be by word-of-mouth. Since those words can't be from my mouth, I'll need you to take care of that. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your neighbors, tell whoever. Invite as many as you think you feel comfortable with. I should say, though, that each show will vary from house to house, so the success and happiness and fun of each show won't necessarily depend on how many people show up, but on that spirit of community being present. So mostly your job as host is not to promote the show so much as that spirit. Also, you'll to help keep all of us within the confines of city ordinances (i.e. parking, noise violations, people limit, etc.).

Flyer
I've attached a flyer to this e-mail, meaning you can print it off, draw on it, color it, add to it, or whatever, and then stick it up all over town. Just let people know! Another thing, the flyers come ready for you to fill in with directions, time, date, and a phone number (that last one's up to you). If the flyers are posted, and since they're in black ink, you might write the information with a bright ink pen to catch attention.

Accommodations
I'd really prefer to stay at the house I'm playing at. The reason being that I couldn't possibly afford a hotel room. I will be ridiculously poor this entire tour and would like to save money wherever possible. If it really isn't possible to stay there the night, then that's fine.

Potluck
I grew up around potlucks so I am the most excited about this aspect of the tour. Common problems at potlucks: food allergies, misplaced tupperware, vegan preference, etc. So basically, let everyone know that if they bring food, to be label the food and their tupperware and to bring a little more than enough for themselves so that it can go around a little. Some people can bring paper plates, other people can bring cups, others drinks. That way, one person is screwed by paying out of their butts. Basically, I just want us all to sit down and eat together. I believe eating together is one of the most intimate things people can do together. This can happen before the show or after. We can can just talk, share artwork, play games or tell stories. This part of the evening is everything you make it to be. We can even play dodgeball if you want! Just as long as we do it together.

The Show
This is a little hard to answer. Basically, it'll be me and a guitar and whatever I happen to bring along. That could be slide projector, a tin can, an overhead, a cassette player, or some experimental feedback samples, or clips from horror movies, or just sounds in general. I'm not totally sure yet. It might get a little loud but nothing over the top and I can keep things quiet if needed or make them extra loud; it's up to you. I'll be bringing all the equipment I need so you don't have to worry about it. It'll probably just be enough to work in a living room or some other room. I'll also be selling some merch and accepting tips to fund the tour and make sure I get to California in time for the wedding.

Money
I'm going to try to reimburse you for hosting and flyers and other expenses. I don't know if I'll be able to reimburse you completely (I really have no idea what funds will be). I will certainly try. And I won't accept no for an answer!

There you have it. The Potluck Manifesto. I really don't want this to be a nuisance on any one person, so if there's anything I can do, please let me know. I think this be a really good thing but it's up to all of us to make it. Again, thank you so much for being a part of this.

Peace and blessings!

-Wagner Israel Cilio III

The Flyer...and other things too

2007-05-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last wrote on here. It's funny to think that my last post was about how discouraged I was with the whole feat and that I'm basically still at the same place.

______________________________________________

Above is the flyer for the tour. That should tell you just how poor I will be on this tour.

My friend Zach gave me an idea for shirts. I really can't afford to manufacture any kind of merchandise. So I'll be making it on my own. The idea is to buy plain white T's and then draw on them myself. I'll draw a few before the show and then draw it as needed. Maybe even draw a picture of the person buying the shirt.

I began reading a new book. Well, not so much 'new' as 'once discarded and now re-carded' -- Life of Pi. A friend gave it to me for my birthday in January and I still haven't gotten around to it. I got it a bit wet a few nights ago. It was in my backpack and I was riding my bike in the rain. It's old and wise now. In any case, I mention this because yesterday, I finally decided to take a break from the scheduling and e-mailing and searching and planning to sit down and read this book. It hasn't changed my life or anything but it was definitely relaxing and excellent writing. You gotta pace yourself, I suppose.

The tour has a name now. Because tours need names. Like dogs and boats, except if you don't name a tour, you probably won't get a bunch of years of bad luck. I thought, What name would be concise and fun and attractive: The Potluck Tour of Homes.

Catchy, right?

Right.

Yesterday I bought a guitar at a pawn shop that I'll need for the tour. Then I bought an amp. Turns out, it was a bass amp. So now I have to see if they'll let me return the amp. I just can't escape the thought that one little overlooked detail will send the whole thing tail spinning. Like buying the wrong amp is a mistake in the category of forgetting my backpack at someone's house. Everytime things get flustering I tell myself to slow down because this is where things usually get even messier --when your just trying to get it done as sloppy as possible.

Another reason I started this blog was so that anyone who later wanted to launch their own tour of homes, would be able to see what mistakes I made or take tips and ideas from this blog. If that's you, let me ya: it's tough. Everything is so cheap and ghetto that I feel like it could fall apart at any second. Don't let that discourage because people will certainly try.

I called up a friend yesterday and she talked about the community she lives in and just how invaluable that spirit of camaraderie really is. My angst wasn't silenced but certainly hushed. I don't think this is supposed to be easy. Communicating with other human beings never is.

Doubts, Apprehensions, and General Angst

2007-04-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

This picture scares me. A lot.

It's been a little over a week since I began planning my tour of homes. The enormity of this feat has begun to wash on me. I don't have anywhere to sleep in some places and, other than the 10 houses I've secured, I don't know if it'll be much of a tour. Will people even bring food? Will they care about what I have to say? Will they be nice? Life is enormous and pulsing and real. I am not. I am very small. I am not very strong.

I've been meditating a lot on this, thinking it through, praying about it, just trying to see if I spoke too soon. I don't know what the next step in my life will be. This is terrifying. Some days I feel my spirit soaring high above me and other days I am overcome with a sudden sweeping sadness. I have so much to learn and do in life that sometimes I forget that I am now and I am here.

I'm listening to Peter and the Wolf right now. I've had this song on repeat for the past half hour.

"Every morning is another chance/To see a different meaning/Carry on your memories/Leave them with the lightness/....Every morning's another chance/See it all anew/All or nothing in the world /Maybe then the lightness will come to you."

When I was little, I used to think that all of my material possessions had feelings. So I would feel guilty if I didn't sleep in my bed while on vacation or if I hadn't played with a certain toy in some time. I knew I had hurt their feelings and I knew I needed to right my wrong. Much of that philosophy has stayed with me so that.

Since the dawn of time, the subatomic particles that make up April 12, 2007 have been waiting in line to materialize and to become a Day. "They" became "he" and "he" was so young at the beginning and now, with a snowy beard and sailboat splotches bobbing on old skin, it's finally his turn. After millenia of disbelief and laughter and struggle, he has finally been completed.

And he's happening.
Right now.
He's happening outside of my window.
Clouds, grass, people, ants, life!

And I can't help but worry that I'm not making today worth his while, if I'm ignoring all the strife he's gone through to see me on this day, to touch me with sunlight, to give me food from the earth. Really, I don't care about today. Today I'm worrying about this tour and I feel guilty because really, he's just another stepping stone that's getting me closer to the tour. All of these days are.

I forget that being alive is the best way to celebrate a today. Part of being alive is letting yourself dream and to let yourself dream is to dream big. I'm not wasting these days by planning with them or looking to a greater day.

I see all those days in line waiting to be. Today they are all envious of Today. Tomorrow they will envy someone else and Today will be gone and dead. I can't help but think that one those days is going to be the end of me, too.

Beginnings!

2007-04-09T12:29:00.001-07:00

"Live free or die."

That's New Hampshire's state motto. This summer I plan to exist in a New Hampshire-ian state of mind. Meaning, I am going to live freely and wildly and savagely and universially, meaning I will breathe and eat and poo, but really just meaning that this summer I am going to drive across America.

This is partly to attend a friend's wedding in California in August. But also because I think I need this for my own good. I will be traveling through a lot of America. Now, to do this, I will need your help. I need your help because I want to visit you.

So I need two things from you:

a) a place to stay: I'd like to stay at your house, that way, we can eat and drink and laugh (hold hands, hug, etc).

b) a place to play: I'd like to also play some of my music for you and your friends. i would prefer for it to be in your house but a coffee shop would work too. afterward, we can all talk and share in a nice potluck or a game of tag if it's not too brisk out.

I've begun drawing up a road map of said roadtrip. This is what I've drawn up so far in my Magazine Writing class. I've made it big so you can see it better:

Let me take you through my tentative plan (the dashed lines are possiblities for now):

1. Drive to Toronto with friends (this is just a vacation) - 2nd week of June

2. Drive to Arkansas--Stay there for a few days--Drive to Dallas

3. Stay in Dallas for ONE month, I will be developing a screenplay with my good buddy Jonny Pacheco and living with the one and only Whitney Feldkamp

4. Drive from Dallas to Chattanooga to see my brother and his lovely girlfriend (803.86 miles)

THIS IS WHERE I START NEEDING YOUR HELP!!

5. Drive from Chattanooga to Lincoln OR Siloam Springs, AR...maybe even both (need a show here!)

6. From Lincoln/Ark to Yellowstone National Park where I will see Old Faithful and the Tetons (does someone know anyone?)

7. Yellowstone to Spokane/Mivoden Camp (EMILY WILKENS! I know you've got friends!)

8. Spokane to Seattle ( LOTS AND LOTS OF HELP HERE!)

9. Northern California--Redding? PUC? Sacramento? I'll go anywhere, but I gotta be there for (As long as it doesn't conflict with Devanne's wedding, I'll do anything!)

10. Redding, CA to Loma Linda/Riverside, CA (I have NO clue about this area at all, so lots of help here please!)

11. Riverside to Grand Canyon/Flagstaff/Show Low, AZ (Andrea Cox let's get together!)

12. Arizona to ABQ, New Mexico (That means YOU Hanna Cavanaugh! and your baby too!)

From here, it'll be a straight shot home.

Now keep in mind that this is a tentative schedule. If you don't necessarily live on my route, I'd consider making changes to my plan JUST to see you. I'd also like to get the point across, that this is more of a road trip than a tour although I probably will be selling some CD's.

I would seriously love to see you and help you and love you and play music for you! Let's make it happen!

Sincerly, Wagner Israel Cilio III