Panic! At the Artistic Disco!

The Potluck Tour of Homes Kick-Off is approaching.
Anxiety abounds.

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The temptation to despair and materialize my doubts into reality seems too close a friend nowadays. Sometimes I think this whole thing is too great for me--that I'm presuming and intruding and grabbing at some kind of holy thing with which I have no business dealing. I called my mother yesterday in the middle of a panic attack. They are usually rare but they happen. I took myself to Kuhl's Family Restaurant on O, across the street from the Black Market. I ate and then I sat in a sunny courtyard to read. Sometimes you just have to let the train cars pile up and take a breath.

I've been talking to Cindy Lange-Kubick from the Lincoln Journal Star; she writes some really great human interest pieces, so I thought she'd be interested in running a story on the tour. I initially wanted the story to run before I left town in order to involve as many people as possible into the project, but I don't think that was feasible, especially for a newspaper. In any case, she'll be making an appearance at the show on Friday and I guess I'll be in the paper sometime next week.

The notion has gained new perspective and fresh anxiety that I will be very, very poor this summer. Like poor-poor. Not just uncomfortable, not just inconvenienced, but seriously, poor. The last time I was that poor was about 4 years ago on a trip with some friends from Arkansas up here to Lincoln. I was 17, had little money, and had planned quite minimally for the trip. I spent most of my money on novelties at gas stations including a camouflaged trucker hat that read "We Support Our Troops in Missouri." I was literally starving by the end of the 4-day trip.

I've begun recording sample tracks for the shows this summer. I still don't know what I'll do exactly, but they'll come in between the songs. One of the tracks, from 1978's Slave of the Cannibal God, crescendos into an ear-piercing screech of feedback and fatal orchestral disaster. I'm pretty proud of it and plan to use it as an opener. The drawback is the difficulty in playing the samples between songs without losing some of the atmosphere. I'm trying to come up with the money for a looping pedal but so far, it's not looking too good. Look at me, an artiste-for-life.

Speaking of which, I was talking to someone the other day about the concept of "the artist" and how uncomfortable I felt when she called me that. I get antsy calling people artists or calling something artistic or defining art. That explains why I get nervous going to art gallerys. In this place, here, art exists. You come here and you see art and then you go home and then don't. Art is not at your home, job, backyard; it is here. I suppose that could be filmhouse, a coffee shop, a community center. In any case, she also argued that being an artist is to be an observer and reflection of society. But is that all an artist is? An observer with a fancy mouthpiece? What is the difference between an artist and a person with artistic tendencies? Where is the line between artistry and creativity? What distinguishes an artist from a human being? I told her that I was comfortable with just being Wagner Israel Cilio III.

Maybe it's just a fear of labels and their inherent restricting nature that makes me cringe or maybe it's that I'm afraid of operating under some kind of misnomer canopy and then being made exposed for it. The former seems noble, the latter does not. Similarly, I don't like to define God with a respect to religion or dogma: defining the concept by its denotation seems to me, myopic.

I might be getting off topic but I truly believe that the concept of "art" is simply another natural, organic, praise-worthy facet of God. Singling it out as nobler than other facets is redundant because as soon as you name it, the game is up. Immediately, this "art" ceases to be natural, ceases to real, ceases to be God. It begins to be contrived, pretentious, boring, man-made, repeated, old. As a matter of fact, I would say that I am hesitant in defining art--and inherently God--for the exact same reasons: It seems awfully presumable to funnel the Creator of the Cosmos and of Life and Hope (and Art) into a concrete denotative cage to display/boast, don't you think?

So instead of observing God and society, let's experience it. Let's celebrate man and God in man and man in ourselves. Let's be experiencing machines and participate within our own reflections of society. Let's reflect only as naturally as a mirror reflects stains, beauty, truth, and life. Let's just be.

Potluck Manifesto

This is the letter I sent out to all my hosts. I googled 'potluck manifesto' and a link to this site came up. I thought it fitting and ironic that I, with my name being Israel, found this blog with an obvious traditional Jewish twist. Anyway, enjoy.
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Hey guys,

As you probably know, I'm driving to California on a "Potluck Tour Across America" (which really isn't across America). I'm going to a wedding on August 11 and figured I would make it fun along the way. You're getting this e-mail because you're somehow involved in this tour. This brings me to my first point:

You
I am glad that you are in making this tour possible because honestly, community is the blood of this whole operation. That's you! So thanks so much. The point of the tour is to promote community and to bridge gaps between people. Nothing fancy. Nothing to make money. Every show will be different and strange and unique in its own rite. This is as much your tour as it is my tour. We will drink, eat, and tell stories and be happy together. We can talk about life and stars and baby caterpillars and everything else under the sun. I'm looking forward to it!

Promote
99.9% of this tour will be by word-of-mouth. Since those words can't be from my mouth, I'll need you to take care of that. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your neighbors, tell whoever. Invite as many as you think you feel comfortable with. I should say, though, that each show will vary from house to house, so the success and happiness and fun of each show won't necessarily depend on how many people show up, but on that spirit of community being present. So mostly your job as host is not to promote the show so much as that spirit. Also, you'll to help keep all of us within the confines of city ordinances (i.e. parking, noise violations, people limit, etc.).

Flyer
I've attached a flyer to this e-mail, meaning you can print it off, draw on it, color it, add to it, or whatever, and then stick it up all over town. Just let people know! Another thing, the flyers come ready for you to fill in with directions, time, date, and a phone number (that last one's up to you). If the flyers are posted, and since they're in black ink, you might write the information with a bright ink pen to catch attention.

Accommodations
I'd really prefer to stay at the house I'm playing at. The reason being that I couldn't possibly afford a hotel room. I will be ridiculously poor this entire tour and would like to save money wherever possible. If it really isn't possible to stay there the night, then that's fine.

Potluck
I grew up around potlucks so I am the most excited about this aspect of the tour. Common problems at potlucks: food allergies, misplaced tupperware, vegan preference, etc. So basically, let everyone know that if they bring food, to be label the food and their tupperware and to bring a little more than enough for themselves so that it can go around a little. Some people can bring paper plates, other people can bring cups, others drinks. That way, one person is screwed by paying out of their butts. Basically, I just want us all to sit down and eat together. I believe eating together is one of the most intimate things people can do together. This can happen before the show or after. We can can just talk, share artwork, play games or tell stories. This part of the evening is everything you make it to be. We can even play dodgeball if you want! Just as long as we do it together.

The Show
This is a little hard to answer. Basically, it'll be me and a guitar and whatever I happen to bring along. That could be slide projector, a tin can, an overhead, a cassette player, or some experimental feedback samples, or clips from horror movies, or just sounds in general. I'm not totally sure yet. It might get a little loud but nothing over the top and I can keep things quiet if needed or make them extra loud; it's up to you. I'll be bringing all the equipment I need so you don't have to worry about it. It'll probably just be enough to work in a living room or some other room. I'll also be selling some merch and accepting tips to fund the tour and make sure I get to California in time for the wedding.

Money
I'm going to try to reimburse you for hosting and flyers and other expenses. I don't know if I'll be able to reimburse you completely (I really have no idea what funds will be). I will certainly try. And I won't accept no for an answer!

There you have it. The Potluck Manifesto. I really don't want this to be a nuisance on any one person, so if there's anything I can do, please let me know. I think this be a really good thing but it's up to all of us to make it. Again, thank you so much for being a part of this.

Peace and blessings!

-Wagner Israel Cilio III

The Flyer...and other things too

It's been a while since I last wrote on here. It's funny to think that my last post was about how discouraged I was with the whole feat and that I'm basically still at the same place.

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Above is the flyer for the tour. That should tell you just how poor I will be on this tour.

My friend Zach gave me an idea for shirts. I really can't afford to manufacture any kind of merchandise. So I'll be making it on my own. The idea is to buy plain white T's and then draw on them myself. I'll draw a few before the show and then draw it as needed. Maybe even draw a picture of the person buying the shirt.

I began reading a new book. Well, not so much 'new' as 'once discarded and now re-carded' -- Life of Pi. A friend gave it to me for my birthday in January and I still haven't gotten around to it. I got it a bit wet a few nights ago. It was in my backpack and I was riding my bike in the rain. It's old and wise now. In any case, I mention this because yesterday, I finally decided to take a break from the scheduling and e-mailing and searching and planning to sit down and read this book. It hasn't changed my life or anything but it was definitely relaxing and excellent writing. You gotta pace yourself, I suppose.

The tour has a name now. Because tours need names. Like dogs and boats, except if you don't name a tour, you probably won't get a bunch of years of bad luck. I thought, What name would be concise and fun and attractive: The Potluck Tour of Homes.

Catchy, right?

Right.

Yesterday I bought a guitar at a pawn shop that I'll need for the tour. Then I bought an amp. Turns out, it was a bass amp. So now I have to see if they'll let me return the amp. I just can't escape the thought that one little overlooked detail will send the whole thing tail spinning. Like buying the wrong amp is a mistake in the category of forgetting my backpack at someone's house. Everytime things get flustering I tell myself to slow down because this is where things usually get even messier --when your just trying to get it done as sloppy as possible.

Another reason I started this blog was so that anyone who later wanted to launch their own tour of homes, would be able to see what mistakes I made or take tips and ideas from this blog. If that's you, let me ya: it's tough. Everything is so cheap and ghetto that I feel like it could fall apart at any second. Don't let that discourage because people will certainly try.

I called up a friend yesterday and she talked about the community she lives in and just how invaluable that spirit of camaraderie really is. My angst wasn't silenced but certainly hushed. I don't think this is supposed to be easy. Communicating with other human beings never is.