Pictures of show in Conway, AR and an update

Here are a few pictures of my last show in Conway, AR at the garage of a house where a number of Hendrix College students live together. This is basically what every show looks like.

At the moment I am staying with a couple who I've known for a number of years. We're working on some short films and I plan to improve my abilities with dialog and story. I'll be here for three weeks before I begin my Texas leg of the tour. In related news, my dear friend Ky Huber comes back from a year in Prague in exactly one week. He'll be coming with me through Texas as he is a spectacular guitarist.

In the past week 3 houses have canceled on me. One for personal reasons and two for simple poor communication--they made plans after confirming the dates. However irritating that may be, I really don't have to time to think about it. I have to fill up those holes somehow and that's what I've been preoccupying myself with.

Many thanks to Ms. Olivia Rose Larson for her stellar photography.

Radio Show!

So far, I have driven approximately 663 miles for the tour. Lincoln to Kansas City to Durham to Conway, Arkansas where I am now.

I did the radio show last night which was tons of fun. I recorded it too and I'll probably upload it as soon as I find time. Basically, we pulled an NPR All Songs Considered and I guest DJ'd and played some of my own songs live. Since the radio station is only a 10 watt tower, we could really do anything we wanted without having to worry about the FCC. Of course, I played some AIDS Wolf and some Locust and what kind of radio show would it have been had I not played anything by Agoraphobic Nosebleed?

9 seconds of mayhem ensued.

We mentioned the potluck show about 15 times. So everyone within a 5 mile radius of the college was invited. In any case, I expect much tonight.

I just woke up from sleeping on Myles' (my host) floor. I'm about to head about to see a certain female entity and then have lunch. I'll write more later.

I find my wallet and other complications

It was a mere 24 hours ago that I found myself in a state of stress and duress. Now I'm sittin' pretty at the computer writing about how cool I am (I employ the word 'cool' here simply for its referral to propensities in temperature--the AC is on).

I found my wallet.

Well, my mother found it for me.

I had left it in her car the other day and completely forgot. It's funny to think about how worked up I was about that wallet when really the entire time it was sitting safely in my mother's Toyota Camry.

I woke up this morning with a friend on my mind and I decided to call her. We talked for about an hour and a half--something I don't frequently do mostly because it can come out to be quite expensive but also because I've seen that people usually run out of things to say about about the 15 or 20-minute mark. It was nice. Talking to people and communicating is something I very much want to incorporate in the tour. I didn't do a very good job of that at the Kansas City show. But that's neither here nor there.....

I still haven't booked the Seattle venue even though I've been telling myself I have to. I guess I've been kind of hoping against hope that somehow a show would open up with Husbands, Love Your Wives who is this amazing girl with lyrics that blow my mind. I don't think that'll work out.

Another thing that should've prompted me to book the venue is my discovery of a myspace that list a number of DIY venues across America. This might be handy for another tour. In any case, I really need to get on it. So much to do...

I bought another projector. I have three now. My last one was a Dukane Film Projector but this one is a slide projector. I was having a hard time figuring out how to implement the film projector into the show, what with me being one guy. Fortunately, this new projector has an automatic setting that turns the slides at 4, 10, 15 second intervals. Unfortunately, the down side is that I bought the projector at a pawn shop and it's missing its slide tray. Also, I'll have to transfer all my film strips into slides. This could prove to be very costly. I went to Wal-Mart (I know, I know) to see how much it would be and they told me that they would charge me by every individual slide. Meaning if I send in an entire film roll, they would have to charge me by the slide: $29.97 a slide.

Quite a lemon if you ask me.

Tomorrow I'm heading into Bentonville (my mother is jonsing to get me a pair of jeans without holes in them) and I'll swing by a professional camera shop to hear their take on the matter. In any case even if the slides turn out to be too expensive to pull of for the tour, I'll be able to get a few done a time when I come back.

In other news, my car is looking a little...what's the word...shady? Every time I mentioned my tour to someone their almost immediate reply to my bewilderment was "You got a pretty reliable car then?" And it's not that it's a silly question. It's just that now is the time for dreaming, later is the time for thinking and doing. Right now, let me dream.

Maybe I've been dreaming long enough.

I told myself this week that I'd really be able to take care of some loose ends. Unfortunately, my foresight proved to be shallower than even I expected. The brakes on my car are a little strange and by that I mean, a little not good by which I mean, they squeal and they seem to be getting pretty old. I took it in today to see how much work would have to be done and how much it would run me. Apparently, it'll be $99 for labor, $44 for the brakes, and $65 for some disc or something. Bottom line is I don't have that kind of money. Even though my mother volunteered to pay for my car's tune up, she currently finds herself between checks. I'm thinking we'll split it even though it is my car and I should be paying all of it. I'm grateful for whatever I can get.

In any case, tomorrow I'll leaving for Conway tomorrow (Friday) even though the show is on Sunday in order to hang out for a few days with the female friend and also because I'm going to be the radio on Saturday. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. I'm going to be on the radio on Saturday. It's supposed to be a 10-watt tower which I guess means it's not very big? Anyway, if there's anyway I can get the audio for that, I'll be sure to post it on here.

And finally, I think I'm going to make off with my parent's digital camera. They hardly use it and I need one for this summer. It's settled--I'm stealing it.

I lost my wallet...again

I've been talking about that one single slip-up that might do me in and I think I've just done it.

One day a few years ago I remember being completely overwhelmed by the infinite upon infinite details of life. I'd never experienced anything like it before but it was as if the world had cracked like an egg on the back of my neck and I was waist deep in the running yolk of minutia. It was a sobering moment but also one of extreme discomfort and fastidious anxiety.

I lost my wallet.

I'm already a forgetful person and trying to mind these details only makes me more nervous than I already am. Generally, I try to just move with the flow of things and somehow find a compromise between that and my own view on reality.

I can't helped but think about how screwed I'll be if I can't find it. All the money I saved for the tour is kept in a savings account in Nebraska. A savings account whose debit card is in my wallet and whose money cannot be withdrawn or transferred without that card (I would opt for online banking but the thing is super messed up--I've gotten a new password about three times. I don't even know what it is now.) Without my debit card for that account all the money I saved up for the tour will basically be frozen.

I tried to calm down by reading and it worked to a certain degree but I finished the book and then had nothing else to read. I even listened to Brian Eno's Music for Aiports--a personal favorite. The effect was sedating but only as an escapist means to an end.

Then the there's the mess of re-tracing your steps....

The last time I specifically remember having it was on Sunday while driving to the show at the bakery because I bought some more gas. I don't remember if I put the wallet on the trunk of my car while filling and then forgot to put it away or if I somehow lost it after that. It starts getting hazy after that. I vaguely remember having the wallet at the bakery but that might just be my mind trying to give me what I want. Besides, I called there and they said they hadn't seen it. We left the bakery at about 1:30. The trip home was a blur because I was half-asleep. Then Richard drove and I completely zonked out.

I've lost my wallet on many occasions before and I've learned to never panic. Panicking only impairs my ability to think critically and actually get out of my problem. So I usually try to shrug it off and not think about it; it's probably around somewhere. Well, I did that for two days until today when I knew I had to buy some more things for the tour. Fortunately, I've been doing relatively well regarding anxiety. I went out anyway and actually took stock of what I needed to buy and how much it cost. I also visited some pawn shops to see if they would buy my bass amp (no luck). So at least I'm pleased in that regard.

Something is telling me to be hopeful and brave and to not give in to anxiety. That one's a killer. If there's one thing I've learned in this stage of Formulation for the tour is how to deal with anxiety more concretely. It's so hard to remember that all these emotions derive because of chemicals sloshing around in my cranium. That sometimes helps me to calm down. I decided long ago to never be a slave again--to my emotions, to misconceptions, or to other people. I won't allow this detail to take over my life and ruin something beautiful and worthy. Determination and perseverance line the path to a better life.

Courage, my love!

courage my love
Originally uploaded by renfro

I am back from Canada and have done two shows since then: one in Kansas City at a friend's sister's birthday party and another last night in Arkansas at a bakery in the middle of nowhere.

The first show was outside and bugs were all over the place. These crazy junebugs were nosediving left and right, into lights, into my guitar, and into the overhead and the amps. But overall, the show was a lot of fun. I kind of derived from the set list and got some audience participation for a song that I'm writing. I got to borrow a friend's harmonica neck brace and that added a lot more to the show. All in all, about 40 people sat in lawn chairs while I played under a tree. Plus, that family let me borrow their projection screen which is perfect for my overhead projector. I also sold a lot of cds--which may or may not be a bad thing. The cd is literally the worst quality ever. That's why I'm embarassed to really ask any kind of money for it even though I told myself I would sell them for $3. That night I sold one for a hug from a kid named Taylor. (Way to go, Taylor!) I enjoyed that hug and I really shouldn't worry about money issues anymore.

Another thing, I forgot to burn the cds before the show so afterward I was stuck with a line of like 5 kids waiting for a cd to burn by the time I got three out a whole slew of them left the party. I will have the foresight for that next time.

The other show was at the Pegasus Ranch which is actually the upstairs of a bakery. I had gotten to the Kansas City show a little late and was rushed as to the subtleties in the set so I promised myself that the next night would be better and that I would be really try to give the people something special. So I got there early and set everything up really nice and got it looking snazzy. Problem was that I hadn't realized it was Father's Day so very few people came. Even though I shouldn't be, I'm a little embarassed to say how many came. Regardless, I was very satisfied with the show--something I rarely say. Anyway, it was great fun talking with everyone and then taking a walk through Terra Studios which is across the street from the bakery.

I still don't have any pictures of any of the shows. I don't know if I will.

After last night's show, I'm getting rather close to despairing about the rest of the tour. Will attendance be equally as low at other shows? Will anyone ever bring food? I need to remember to have courage. I need to be brave about the things that scare me because soon they become a cage. This is how to stop anxiety attacks at their roots.

I found the picture above last week in Toronto. It's some kind of clothing store but I thought the name was fitting and beautiful and nice.

My next show is on Sunday night in Conway, AR in the house of Hendrix College student. I'm pretty excited about that date because it'll be the first house show hosted by a stranger. Also, I'll be seeing a certain female which may or may not be giving me butterflies. And I don't mean in a jar.

I've mentioned Christopher Denny before but now I'm providing a sample. Dude makes me cry:

Christopher Denny - "Wake Up"

It hurts to write this

I can't explain how lovely it feels when someone offers their house.

Someone in Santa Fe has opened their house and filled in yet another hole on the tour. Sometimes I have to sit and laugh at the thought that all this is actually working. That people are actually making this happen. This astounds me.

I'm in Canada right now, near Toronto actually. I am on vacation with a few friends and so far it has been quite decent in the land of the maple leaf. I bought a Cuban cigar the other day and smoked it whilst laying on a dock and staring in the deepest, inkiest, most infinite blackness of stars that I have ever seen. It was certainly something to exist for.

We walked through the "hippie" district of Toronto yesterday. It seemed like a nice place to live. Very comfy, very cozy. Right there, in the middle of a metropolis. I walked past these two girls playing guitar on the street. I came back hours later and saw them sitting in the same spots, both sunburned and with a sign that read REAL STARVING ARTISTS. I have explained my views on what an artist is and if you haven't read it, well then here's a link (it's near the end). But it really bothered me that these girls were trying to use the notion of being artists to evoke emotions and thus spare change from pockets to plastic cups. Not only that but it ultimately excused their not having a job and, essentially, not contributing to society. Instead they were panhandling in a hippie district--something like preaching to the choir to me--and were so determined not to work that they were willing to be sunburned in order "fight the man" or "oppose capitalism."

Now's here the twist.

Then how am I different?

I am not.

I'm doing the exact same thing.

Now, I don't embrace the title of "artist" at all but I think essentially we're the same. Driving from house to house, mooching off of people, sleeping on their couches, eating their food, meeting their friends. I'm not working this summer because of the tour and I'm not really sure why people should help me out. I'm sure there are some difference between me and those girls but essentially, we're the same.

It hurts to write this.

Of clippings and cuttings

Here is the link to the Lincoln Journal-Star article on the first potluck show last Friday.

I hope you enjoy!

Careful, little firefly...careful

I have to mow the lawn in a bit. That ought to be nice.

The show went swimmingly. I haven't updated because I thought I might have pictures by now. I don't. But I'll post them when/if I get them.

This show was billed a little different than the rest of the shows. We asked people to bring lamps as well as food. Maybe it was too much to ask because few people brought food and even fewer brought lamps. The idea was to have a whole living room floor filled up with lamps. I think maybe people were confused because all we wrote on the flyer was "Bring a lamp or bring some food!" I suppose, we've learned our lesson. I also heard talk of other people doing house shows in lincoln this summer. I'm excited about that! Even though, I won't be there I think it lovely that people are catching onto the idea.

Another lesson I learned, and this is in the gadget department, you probably shouldn't plug two separate instruments into one amp. I plugged my laptop and guitar in my amp. It pooped out mid-show and everything started sounding really faint and distant afterward. My heart sank, especially since I just bought the amp only a week ago at a pawn shop. It was working okay after the show. A little shaky but it worked.

I was driving the other day when I pulled out on the highway and almost got broad-sided by an SUV. Luckily, she stomped on her brakes and so did I while throwing it in reverse and backing in the gas station I had just left. I watched her huff past and then thought to myself, "Careful, little firefly...careful." In that split second, my whole tour could've been squashed like a bug in a windshield instead of being a friendly beacon in oppression. All that just because I hadn't properly looked out for traffic. I've been noticing that I've been cutting corner lately. Details matter. I need to take things slow, to listen and feel and think and enjoy.

I don't know how I feel about relationships and the such or exactly what to make of their species, but there's a certain female I have my eye on. My recent mantra against dating was that free birds don't need cages, even gold ones. Is this just an extra shiny cage or a new home?

There's this guy I started listening to tonight called Christopher Denny. He's also from the natural state and god, his voice is so beautiful and ancient and wise.

I'm almost done with Life of Pi. I swear, there's something I'm missing about the book. I have suspicions but nothing I'm really sure of. I'm enjoying figuring out the symbols and the color parallels.

The story of the potluck tour runs tomorrow in the Lincoln Journal-Star! I'll post a link .

I have to drive 38 hours in the next 2 weeks. This will be brutal.